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21 things we should have been told at graduation

mercredi 12 novembre 2014   (3 Comments)
Posted by: Neel Burton (La Chât '96)
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Neel Burton

The education that we receive barely prepares us for the challenges that lie ahead. This is what we should have been told at graduation instead of all the misplaced, self-congratulatory platitudes. 

1. We strived to give you the best education. But what is the best education? The best education is not that which enables you to make a good living, nor even that which enables you to make a social contribution, but that which enables you on the path to freedom and individuation, and which, in the longer term, leads to the fullest living and the greatest social contribution.

2. Always ask for plenty of advice, but only from people whom you admire or seek to emulate. Best of all, seek advice from great works of literature and philosophy. Shakespeare and Plato are far wiser than anyone you will ever meet.

3. On the other hand, don't give advice unless you are specifically asked. 

4. Keep on asking silly questions. People may look at you funny, but at least you thought of the questions.

5. Be very sensitive to your feelings and intuitions. They are your unconscious made conscious. 

6. Don’t be envious. Whenever you come across someone who is better or more successful than you are, you can react either with envy or with emulation. Envy is the pain that you feel because others have good things; emulation is the pain that you feel because you yourself do not have them. This is a subtle but critical difference. Unlike envy, which is useless at best and self-defeating at worst, emulation is a good thing because it makes us take steps towards securing good things.

7. Make friends with people who drag you up rather than drag you down. It is better to be taught than to teach, and better to be consoled than to console. In the long run, you become just like your friends. You are your friends.

8. Never get into a relationship because you are bored, lonely, or insecure, or because society expects you to. Things will go badly wrong.

9. The same also goes for having children.

10. Don’t expect to find perfect love, perfect virtue, or perfect wisdom in this world. These things simply do not exist in their idealized forms—or, at least, not outside our imagination. 

11. Given the choice between laughing and crying, go with laughing. There is, sadly, no end of things to laugh at in this world.

12. All of the above requires a great deal of self-confidence. Try to cultivate it: it comes with habit. And it is divinely attractive.

13. The corollary here is: never be afraid. Or at least, never appear to be afraid. Danger can root out fear from a very long distance.

14. If you don't appear to want something, you are far more likely to get it. And when you do want something, be sure that it is worthy of you.


Graduation Day - Class of '2014 at La Châtaigneraie (Photo: Studio Casagrande)

15. Never get angry. Just like fear, anger is a superfluous feeling that does far more harm than good. Most of a person’s actions and the neurological activity that they correspond to are determined by past events and the cumulative effects of those past events on that person’s patterns of thinking. It follows that the only person who can truly deserve your anger is the one who spited you freely, and therefore probably rightly! This does not mean that anger is not justified in other cases, as a display of anger—even if undeserved—can still serve a benevolent strategic purpose. But if all that is ever required is a strategic display of anger, then true anger than involves real pain is entirely superfluous.

16. Man is a product of the world which he inhabits. He seldom chooses to endure the things that he does. Simply being conscious of this can help to increase your degrees of freedom, and it only takes one free action to change the course of an entire lifetime.

17. Find whatever it is that you love doing and just do it. It won’t feel like work. And chances are you will be very good at it.

18. Avoid working for other people or, worse, faceless corporations. It's not psychologically healthy. And it's not a game you're ever going to win.

19. Think long term. The only difference between the rich and the poor is that the rich had a plan.

20. When you do find success, less successful people will resent you—even friends and family. And the same goes for happiness. Some people are small. Expect it. Accept it.

21. We work so as to live, not vice versa. Spend at least half your waking hours simply reveling in the world around you. Never forget that our consciousness and its objects are the greatest of all miracles.

 


 

Neel Burton (La Chât '96) is a psychiatrist, philosopher, writer, and wine lover who lives and teaches in Oxford, England. See: www.neelburton.com

The above post was previously published on psychologytoday.com.

 

 


 

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Comments...

Shahnaz Radjy says...
Posted jeudi 9 février 2017
Seeing this very belatedly and mostly agree with the points made, except where you say "It is better to be taught than to teach, and better to be consoled than to console." - yes to getting pulled up rather than dragged down, but teaching is an incredible gift to give and you often learn a lot in the process! And from experience I would say it is healthy to console as well as be consoled over time, rather than seek to only be consoled as a one way street.
Neel L. Burton says...
Posted samedi 15 novembre 2014
Yes, John. Unfortunately, the evidence of other people is no good. As a rule, we only believe in our own experiences.
John P. Murray says...
Posted mercredi 12 novembre 2014
All very good points Neel. It would be great if we could go back in time with this knowledge.

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